When Your Job Doesn't Know You're Holding Everything Together: Managing work while raising kids and supporting aging parents

You're on a Zoom call when your phone buzzes. It's your mom. Again. You quickly assess if you think she is just checking in or if she fell again and needs help. Do you wait until after the meeting or do you need to step out to confirm? You think about who will pick up your kid from soccer and figure out dinner if you need to drive to your mom’s and help her. Somewhere in there, you also need to finish that report due tomorrow.

This is the hidden reality for millions of professionals in the sandwich generation—raising kids while caring for aging parents, all while trying to maintain a career that has no idea how close you are to unraveling.

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Nearly 25% of working adults are managing this triple juggle according to Pew Research, and most of us are doing it quietly, worried that admitting the struggle might cost us professionally. 

Here's what I've learned about surviving—and even thriving—in this season from my own experience working as a pediatric oncology social worker, parenting a child all while my dad navigated his cancer journey.

The Truth About Workplace Rights (That Nobody Tells You)

Let's start with what you're actually entitled to. The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) can be a lifeline, but here's the catch most people don't realize: you have to split those 12 weeks of unpaid leave between your parent's needs, your child's needs, and your own potential health issues.

When my dad was going through treatment, I knew that intermittent FMLA—taking leave in smaller chunks rather than all at once—was right for me. A few hours here for a doctor's appointment, a day there for a crisis. It adds up fast, and you need to be strategic.

Quick FMLA Reality Check:

• Only applies if your employer has 50+ employees

• Requires you've worked there for a year

• The leave is unpaid (which creates its own stress)

• You can use it intermittently, but you need to document everything

The Conversation You're Avoiding (And How to Have It)

Most of us wait too long to tell our managers what's happening. We think we can handle it all invisibly. We can't. And we shouldn't have to.

When you do have "the conversation," here's what actually works:

Come with solutions, not just problems. Instead of "I'm really struggling," try "I'm managing some complex family health issues. I'd like to discuss a temporary flexible schedule where I work from home three days a week and shift my hours to start earlier. I can still hit all deadlines and be available for key meetings."

Be strategic about what you share. You don't need to share every medical detail. Keep it professional and focused on what you need to succeed at work.

Frame it as temporary. Even if you're not sure when things will get easier, positioning your needs as temporary makes it easier for managers to say yes.

What Workplace Flexibility Actually Looks Like

Forget work-life balance. That phrase sets you up for failure. What you need is work-life integration—accepting that sometimes these worlds will overlap, and that's okay.

Here's what's worked for some of my clients:

Blocked calendar time. Protect specific times for both work deep-focus and caregiving needs. Use the calendar "busy" option to signal to colleagues. Whether they are finishing a project or taking their parent to an appointment, the boundary holds.

Communication rituals. Do a five-minute check-in with their manager every Monday morning. It keeps them visible, accountable, and gives them a chance to flag any upcoming challenges before they become problems.

Tech that works for you. Shared calendars with family members, automated work status updates when they're out, cloud-based systems and VPN to work from a hospital waiting room if needed. Make technology carry some of the mental load.

The Skills You're Building (That Your Resume Won't Show)

Here's something we don't talk about enough: managing this situation is making you better at your job, even when it doesn't feel that way.

You're developing crisis management skills in real-time. You're becoming a master at prioritization under pressure. Your emotional intelligence is off the charts because you're constantly reading rooms and managing complex interpersonal dynamics.

These are leadership skills. Don't diminish them.

When You Need More Than Workplace Accommodations

Sometimes flexibility isn't enough. Watch for these warning signs:

• You're consistently missing work deadlines

• You're getting sick more often

• You feel resentful toward your job or family

• You're not sleeping

• You've stopped doing anything just for yourself

If you're nodding along to most of these, it's time to explore additional support—whether that's an Employee Assistance Program, a caregiver support group, or having a serious conversation about temporarily reducing hours.

What I Wish Someone Had Told Me

You can't protect everyone from everything, and trying to do so will break you.

Your job will survive you taking FMLA. Your career will survive you asking for flexibility. What won't survive is you running yourself into the ground trying to hide that you're human.

Some days, you'll do your job well and caregiving will suffer. Other days, caregiving demands everything and work gets the minimum. This doesn't make you a failure. It makes you someone living in an impossible situation and doing the best you can.

Your Turn

To those navigating this: What's one strategy that's helped you manage work while caring for family? What do you wish workplaces understood better?

To managers and HR professionals: What's one change your organization has made to better support sandwich generation employees?

Let's talk about this openly. The more we share, the less alone we all feel.

I'm Joni A Lamb, a social worker and consultant supporting parents in the sandwich generation through coaching, training, and community. If you found this helpful, I share more resources at jonialamb.com.